Last Post

I have decided that this is going to be my last post. I feel that it is time to leave the internet world for a while and start living my live. My summer has almost begun and I need to be focusing on my future. The computer tends to draw me back into my past.

I thought about where I am going to be in a year and the answer I had for myself was: right where I am now. I do not want that. I have goals. I would like to be graduating college, looking for a real job, buying a house or condo wherever I decide to go. Ideally, I would also like to be in a relationship and getting my life together. I want to have a solid foundation of friends that will be unaltered by distance. I want to be open to the possibility of anything. If I get offered a job over seas, I would like to be able to say I will go with the drop of a hat and not be afraid to leave.

I want to be unstoppable and motivated. Always looking for a way to better myself, help others, and experience new things. Nothing new can come from me continuing this. It is a waist of time and a place for me to dwell on the many mistakes I've made. That is over. Good luck, blog world. Enjoy your blogging and blog viewing. May you have a blogful day and may blog be with you.

Remember-All?

Harry Potter was amazing! Had to let the world know. Everything turned out as it should. I watched the first one tonight. And I laughed at how everything turned out.

Maybe one day I will laugh at my life now... once I see how everything turns out. I think I am getting over the ex factor. I am able to talk about her again. Tell stories and such. I hope one day I'll laugh at everything. I think it's very possible.

I can dream, can't I?

How can one overcome an obstacle that is bigger than they are? How do people get over something that changes who they are? So many questions run through my mind and no one seems to have the answer. Some people hide it. Some people ignore it. Some people cry it out. And people like me... we do all of the above until one day it just comes surfacing up to the top all at once and there is no stopping it. And then there are the people... those selfish people who can just move on from these huge, life altering, horrible things without a moment of mourning. I don't get it. I hate them, and urn to be more like them all at the same time. I find them heartless and brave at the same time.

I wish I was a different person sometimes. I go to bed at night thinking the same things and dream about a world that is exactly how I want it to be... how life used to be, only better. I dream that I have a do over at everything. I dream about how I would do things next time around. When I wake up and it is all a lie. I have to force myself to find the motivation to get out of bed. But instead of hating sleep, I love it. I love that I can say everything that I feel. Say the things I could never say in real life. Confess love and have the person love me back. Scream at the people who drive me crazy. I live in a world with no responsibilities and no fear of rejection. Everything goes my way.

I'm sure this would never work in real life. In order for me to be happy, others would be sad. And although I love someone so much that it makes me sick to my stomach to know I can never be with them, they are happy. I wouldn't trade their happiness for mine, even if I had the chance. But it is nice to dream...

Happy Demise

Question of the day: Are great people the product of suffering?

Have you ever felt so happy in life that you just want to freeze and stop morning from arriving?
It has been some time since I have felt that way. It lingers in my memory like a familiar scent that reminds me of something I can't quite put my finger on. Everyone wants to be so in love that they have that, "never want this moment to end, swept off my feet, can't see the ground" smile on my face 24/7. The kind of love where you forget all your worries and when something goes wrong it just doesn't matter. The kind of love that makes you want to be a better person for someone else.

On a separate note... When people are suffering, usually due to some form of loss, it forces us to face different emotions. Emotions that we are able to ignore when we are happy. It allows us to think about the deeper things in life. And it pushes us to become stronger people. It also allows us to appreciate a good thing when we see it. Have you heard the phrase, "you don't know a good thing till it's gone"? We take things for granted when we're happy. When certain aspects are taken away from our lives, we appreciate what we had and what we still have left.

So having said all that:

Would you rather feel only happiness all of your life and never have the chance to suffer

or suffer some throughout your life but with no guarantee of happiness?

Seriously, check your attitude

Often I take for granted how lucky I am. I have grown to expect things in life. I expect that I will have enough money to fill up my tummy and my car. Even if I didn't I have people in my life to fall back on for food and I live in a place with public transportation.

Today I experienced a stroke of bad luck. Flat tire in the middle of a hot day. I was peeved at first and then thought: I have no where else to be today. I have AAA. Why am I upset? Because I would rather be doing something other than catching up on a good book, smoking a cigarette, and outside on a sunny day? No. It's because I'm wired to whine.

I have gone through and am still going through some rough things this year, but I have decided I am not going to let me get to myself. I may not be able to fix anything, but I don't have to be sad all the time. Maybe your whole world can change even if nothing changes. Maybe it's all in your attitude.

I once knew a woman named Charolette

She was loud and opinionated. In a way that wasn't annoying. At least not to me. I looked up to her a lot. She knew exactly who she was in the world. I still don't know many people like that. She fought for what she truly wanted and was never afraid to make a splash. I used to confide my every dream and worry to her.

I remember in my time of need her saying, "Anything can be overcome if just ignored properly." At the time I thought the advice was foolish and brushed it aside. How can someone overcome something so big by just ignoring it? How will that solve anything? How is this advice coming from someone as head strong and driven as herself? I did end up following her advice, but not because I agreed with it, but because I was too chicken to do anything about it.

In time I figured out what she meant. As I ignored the problem my head cleared. I woke up one day and knew exactly what to do. It wasn't easy; it was every bit as hard as I thought it would be, but I finally knew it was right. If I had acted immediately I would have made the wrong choice. What I thought was right at the time was due to initial emotions and I was not following my heart. Sometimes in order to see far enough into the future you have to ignore the present. Let emotions die down and clear your head.

I saw Charolette today. I will never be able to tell her how much she helped me with that problem because she is not good with sentiment, but I think about her often.

I wonder if I should dedicate this blog to providing wisdom that is picked up throughout my journey. Thoughts?

I feel that I should offer another piece of advice my that my friend gave to me in this post. "Only fools burn bridges." I'm sure she was not the first to say those words. It was just the first time I heard them.