I can dream, can't I?

How can one overcome an obstacle that is bigger than they are? How do people get over something that changes who they are? So many questions run through my mind and no one seems to have the answer. Some people hide it. Some people ignore it. Some people cry it out. And people like me... we do all of the above until one day it just comes surfacing up to the top all at once and there is no stopping it. And then there are the people... those selfish people who can just move on from these huge, life altering, horrible things without a moment of mourning. I don't get it. I hate them, and urn to be more like them all at the same time. I find them heartless and brave at the same time.

I wish I was a different person sometimes. I go to bed at night thinking the same things and dream about a world that is exactly how I want it to be... how life used to be, only better. I dream that I have a do over at everything. I dream about how I would do things next time around. When I wake up and it is all a lie. I have to force myself to find the motivation to get out of bed. But instead of hating sleep, I love it. I love that I can say everything that I feel. Say the things I could never say in real life. Confess love and have the person love me back. Scream at the people who drive me crazy. I live in a world with no responsibilities and no fear of rejection. Everything goes my way.

I'm sure this would never work in real life. In order for me to be happy, others would be sad. And although I love someone so much that it makes me sick to my stomach to know I can never be with them, they are happy. I wouldn't trade their happiness for mine, even if I had the chance. But it is nice to dream...